Palest Ink

I have been listening to an audio book at work (something I do frequently) about the brain. One of the chapters I heard today talked about how you could see the physical effect of negative/positive thinking on the brain in spect scans, and later outlined different types of ANT’s (automatic negative thoughts) to look out for and correct.
Generally, I consider myself to be a pretty positive person. I have been somewhat aware of the need to not allow these ANT’s to sabotage my life, and thought I was doing fairly well. However, when the book when into the specific types of negative thoughts, I realized I had very few of these categories under control after all. Funny how sometimes looking at specifics sometimes seems entirely different than viewing a topic as a whole.
Anyhow, I am renewing my commitment to be aware of these and to refute them whenever they come up. Having a concrete exercise to focus on makes my problems (in this case, one of feeling more insecure, inadequate) seem less overwhelming, and it will likely do me a lot of good.
In case anyone is curious, the 9 types are:
1) “Always” or “Never” statements: like “He never listens to me..”
2) Focusing only on negative: like when you receive 12 compliments and fixate on the 1 person who is not impressed
3) Fortune Telling: Assuming that you know in advance that something is going to turn out badly
4) Mind Reading: Assuming you know what he/she is thinking, and that it is bad.
5) Thinking with your feelings: like assuming that you’re not loved just because you feel unloved in the moment.
6) Guilt Beatings: saying “I should be doing this..” or “I need to do that” instead if “I would like this” or “I’d enjoy that”
7) Labeling: like “I am stupid” instead of “I occasionally do something stupid”
Personalizing: like when you assume your boss is in a bad mood because she is mad at you, rather than any other number of possible reasons.
9) Blaming: Pretty obvious, “it is all your/his/her fault I am in this situation”

So yeah, that’s a lot to work on. I plan on writing and rebuffing these statements as they crop up, and will report my progress once I have some.

By the way, the book I am referencing is Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel G. Amen

read comments (2)

I feel really crummy tonight. Life mingles with pms, leaving me in a murky soup of confusion and sadness. I feel like crying. I have, in fact, been crying, despite my desperate desire to keep Larry from thinking that I am any weepier than he already does. “You cry more than anyone I’ve ever known” he said once, and ever since, I feel weak and foolish crying in front of him, even though I know he’s only ever lived with three women, including his mom and sister, and meant the comment more as an observation than as a critisism.
I am not really sure what’s wrong. Lately I can’t seem to get my head together. I can’t make myself do what I want to do, and I can’t stop myself from doing what I don’t want to do. I am spinning my metaphorical wheels like crazy.
I have been lonely also, perhaps that is part of it? Even when Larry is around, he has not really been around. All his extra time and energy have gone into the computer work he has been doing for his Mom. I came along tonight, stuck in Spanaway with his silent concentration all night. I am pretty sure this was a mistake. If I am going to be alone, I should be doing it somewhere I have things to do, or at the very least, my bed. I guess I was just excited that he wanted me to come.
I called my ex just now, and I feel bad about it, like I am collously using him for my own gain. I know he still loves me and will overreact to the fact that I sound sad. He tells me that I am wonderful and talented, that everything will be ok. He sounds so personaly invested in whether or not I am happy as he inquires about “what is going on?”. I guess that’s what I need right now. That and a hug.

read comments (2)